Ban Keyboard Cat From The Bedroom

The best businessmen have affairs. Not with colleagues, but with their work.

Your work ought to feel like your mistress. You should enjoy spending time together and you should frequently enter a focused zone where you become incredibly intimate with her.

A colleague who interrupts you when you’re in the zone might as well walk in on you making love. I don’t know about you, but I find it difficult to get back into a rhythm once someone has walked in on me going at it, only to find that they wanted to discuss the latest Keyboard Cat video.

Women, unsurprisingly, are the main cause of interruptions, thanks to their extraordinary capacity for inter-female gossip. To prevent this productivity killer, a smart company like 47 Seagulls employs a maximum of one woman. Furthermore, we believe the government should subsidize businesses that adopt a Binary Female Employment policy – it has been an incredible challenge to build a web software company with mostly men.

Likewise, we employ only one person per country, and target countries that have a poor or unreliable telecommunications infrastructure, like the U.S.

Our popular collaboration software, InTents, has been specifically designed to eliminate face-to-face conversations and other personal contact, so that you can focus on your work and easily ignore others’ messages. In fact, thanks to the exceptional personal focus that the software brings, we were going to call it ConcentrationCamp, but thought better of it.

Don’t let your colleagues take you from important to impotent.

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