The Thin White Duke

Oh, you enjoy “socializing with friends” do you? And “long hikes in the country”?

Why do people insist on putting banal personal interests on their résumé? It’s so blindingly obvious that they might as well say, “I enjoy having sex and I dislike pain.

We don’t accept résumés. Instead, we’ve developed a straightforward employment process.

It’s widely known that people adopt the characteristics of the things that they spend significant time with. Most notably, pets and their owners look alike. Babies and their parents look like. Some people tell me that this latter example is due to genetics, but if that is the case, how come a baby looks increasingly like the parent as they spend more time together? It’s not like a baby is born looking like a miniature version of them.

If we want good software developers, we need to find people who look like good software, so that we know they’ve spent quality time together. This means:

  • Simplicity. No glasses that add complexity to the face. Or facial hair, for that matter. And certainly not people with different colour eyes.
  • Iterative Development. They need good breeding, so that they have genetically evolved passed the beta release. Ideally we’re looking for nobility.
  • Web 2.0 Style. That means curves, rather than angles. Fat rather than bony.

The great thing about this process is that we can automate it. Upload your photo to our website, and we give you an instant response.

The high and low scores for the tool are calibrated with photographs of a fat albino duke and David Bowie.

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